The Rant

Ponekad se zapitam zašto nisam nastavio započeto, ili zašto sam negdje zastao i nisam imao volje nastaviti dalje!? Osoba sam koja često sebi postavlja pitanja. Nekada me ona moja lijena strana sputava u mnogo čemu. Borim se protiv toga, svaka borba je teška ali mi se po nekada čini da je teško dobijam. Sve što me drži u borbi je ta činjenica da je dobijam, ma koliko to sporo bilo.

Ovo me dovodi na nešto o čemu sam posljednjih dana razmišljao onako malo češće. Jedno predavanje kojem sam prisustvovao na koje kao i obično nisam dao nikakav komentar jer u tom trenutku nisam mislio da je moj komentar bitan. Mnogi koji su prisustvovali istom predavanju prisjetit će se svega.

Radi se o samom poimanju života. Pitanje postavljeno nama je razlika između života i života kojeg vrijedi živjeti-uzmite ovo kao moj slobodan prevod. Još jedno pitanje je bilo šta je to život vrijedan življenja? Šta studeti smatraju životom koji vrijedi, šta je to što upotpunjuje njihovu svakodnevnicu?! Odgovori su naravno bili različiti, od porodice, prijatelja, malih trenutaka do ne znam ni ja čega. Odgovor koji ja nisam dao slijedi.

Izuzmemo li vjeru iz opticaja, a moram priznati da je vjera nešto najbitnije u procesu življenja, svrsi i smislu bivstvovanja ovdje, onda mi ne ostaje mnogo. Kao prvo nameće se onaj materijalni pogled na život. Život u kojem čovjek može da si obezbijedi sve što želi, život u kojem dakle ni jedna želja ne ostaje neispunjena. Ali voditi takav život-nisam to iskusio-ali u ovom vremenu nosi jednu veliku manu, mnogo lažnih prijatelja, mnogo sumnjivih poslovnih ponuda i mnogo monotonije. O da, na kraju kad se prodje sve što se moglo proći, na kraju kad vas vaš um i vaše želje limitiraju u smislu da imate sve što želite život postaje monoton, tih i dosadan, čemu onda svo bogatstvo. Znam da će mnogi reći da bi se uvijek našlo nešto, samo kad bi se imale pare…da našlo bi se ali bi uvijek ostajao osjećaj nezadovoljstva u vama jer kad se sve to završi ne želite to raditi ponovo, a kad krenete u nešto novo znate da vas na kraju čeka taj isti osjećaj, skoro pa osjećaj poraza zbog kojeg vam se i ne ide u novu avanturu…to je moje mišljenje, mnogi se vjerovatno neće složiti samnom. Igra života je igra koju čovjek na kraju uvijek gubi.

Stvari koje moj život čine vrijednim življenja su one male, sitne, jednostavne stvari. Susret sa porodicom, susret sa ljubavi mog života i zahvalnost Bogu na još jednom podarenom danu. Da, kako rekoh vjera igra veliku ulogu u mom životu. Samim tim, sam se riješio materijalne opsesije zbog koje mnogi uništavaju sami sebe iznutra, koja budi zavist, ljubomoru i samim tim kreću i svi drugi problemi, od malih svađa do ratova. Sve u borbi za moć.

Ja, ja imam svoj mali svijet, svoje male trenutke koje njegujem koji me guraju naprijed, vjerujem da ih ima svako, ali i smatram da razlika između životavrijednog življenja i života koji je bio predstavljen kao trajna borba da se nešto postigne, većinom materijalna dobit i  uvijek na neki način završi, postoji razlika samo u načinu življenja istog. Život vrijedan življenja kao posebna vrsta života ne postoji, postoje trenutci koji čine život ljepšim i koji nas ponekad nagnaju da kažemo da je to život vrijedan življenja. Ali kako ranije rekoh, život je igra koju čovjek na kraju uvijek gubi, ako opet izuzmemo vjeru, ishod je isti bez obzira na to kako ga mi živjeli.

At times I ask myself why I haven’t finished the started, why I stopped somewhere or why I had no will to move on?! I’m a person who asks a lot of questions. Sometimes that lazy side of me is hindering me in many ways. I fight it, every battle is a tough one and it sometimes feels like I’m barely winning it. Keeping me in the fight is the fact that I am wining it, no matter how hard.

This gets me to something I’ve been thinking about for the past few days. A lecture I attended a while back, which I didn’t comment as I thought at that moment that my comment is irrelevant. Many who attended the lecture will remember everything.

It was about understanding life, the meaning of it. We were asked what the difference is between life and life worth living. What do students thinks is a life worth living, what is it that makes their day complete?! The answers were of course different, from family, friends small moments to what do I know. The answer I didn’t want to give follows, (incomplete).

If we take the religion out of the option, and I have to admit that it is something most important in the process of life, the purpose and the point of our being here than I don’t have much to talk about. The first thing that comes to my mind is the material aspect of life. So is it the life in which a man can have anything he wants, life in which every wish comes true. I guess that leading such life-haven’t experienced it-has a fatal flaw in times we live in, false friends, shady business offers and a lot of monotony. I guess that at the end when you taste whatever there is to taste and when your mind and wishes limit you in a way that you have no more wishes you’ll be left nothing but monotony, what’s the fortune for then?! I know many will say that there is always something to do when you have the money. I guess it’s true but there would always be that feeling of  peeve in you because once you taste something for a few times you get bored with it, and when you start something new you know that in the end you will get that same feeling, almost a feeling of defeat which doesn’t make a new adventure so appealing…it’s my opinion, many will not agree. Simply, life is a game a man always looses in the end.

Things making my life worth it are those tiny things. Meeting my family, the love of my life and gratitude to God for giving me another day. Yes as I said religion plays a huge role in my life. With it I threw away the material obsession which make many destroy themselves from the inside, that stimulates greed, jealousy and it brings many more problems with it, from squabbles to wars. All in fight for the power.

I have my little universe, my moments I cherish that push me forward, I believe everyone has them, and I think the difference between life worth living and life presented as an ongoing struggle to achieve something, usually material gain, ending one way or the other, exists only in the way of living it. Life worth living as a special breed of life is nonexistent. There are moment making it beautiful that make us say it’s life worth living. But as I said earlier, life is a game a man always looses in the end, if we forget about the religion, the outcome is the same, no matter how we live it.

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